A summary of Open Fidelity

OK, I’ve talked about the problems with both monogamy and cheating. Is there another way? Yes – it’s called Open Fidelity. I think it’s time for an overview of what I mean by Open Fidelity. The following statements sum it up. People can love more than one person at a time. There are people in […]

Problems caused by cheating

Let’s look at the problems you fact if you start having a secret affair. The edifice of lies First of all, cheating by definition involves lying to your partner. You have to avoid mentioning this new interest in another person, even though you’re probably thinking about them all the time. You have to lie about […]

Cheating

If someone is in a monogamous relationship and is attracted to someone who isn’t their partner, conventionally they have the following options: ignore the feeling and stay monogamous; leave their partner in order to get together with a new partner; or cheat on their partner with the other person. I’ve talked a bit about staying […]

Why I will never promise to be monogamous

Staying monogamous takes a lot of effort. And even when both partners in a couple are keeping to the rules, suspicions can arise and have a corrosive effect on the relationship. But even apart from these issues, I have another, more basic problem with monogamy. If I promised to love only one person until death, […]

Polyamory

A lot of the ideas in this blog overlap with those of polyamory, a relatively new term which is derived from ‘many loves’. Open Fidelity and polyamory are variants of one basic idea: honest, responsible non-monogamy. One definition of polyamory is “the desire, practice, or acceptance of having more than one loving, intimate relationship at […]

An experience of cheating

One of the many people I’ve interviewed about monogamy and nonmonogamy is Nell (not her real name). Nell has given me permission to share her experiences here. Here is Nell describing her experience of being unfaithful: “I was monogamous for seven months with one boyfriend. When an opportunity for sex arose with a close female […]

Terminology: monogamous, partner, infidelity

Monogamous I am using the word ‘monogamous’ in this blog to mean ‘having sex with only one person over a period of time’. A person who is monogamous is someone who, over the course of, say, a year, has sex with only one person. I will usually mean ‘sexually monogamous’, that is, if someone has […]

Monogamy is difficult

To continue with an introduction to the main ideas behind Open Fidelity: Many people try their utmost to be monogamous. They try to avoid getting tempted into having sex with anyone other than their spouse (or their partner, in other words the person they have committed to). But more fail than succeed. Yes, there are […]

A new blog

Welcome to the new Open Fidelity blog. I am writing it as a response to the common assumption that you either have to be completely monogamous, or celibate, or cheat on your partner. Monogamy is difficult, and cheating is dishonest; so is there an alternative that doesn’t involve celibacy? In mainstream British society nearly 21st […]