Russell’s story: part 2

In the last post I introduced Russell and told you how he started to hide his occasional coffee dates with other women from his partner Sylvia. Here he continues his story: About four and a half years into our relationship I had a very brief amorous encounter (non-penetrative) while on holiday. which left me feeling […]

Problems caused by cheating

Let’s look at the problems you fact if you start having a secret affair. The edifice of lies First of all, cheating by definition involves lying to your partner. You have to avoid mentioning this new interest in another person, even though you’re probably thinking about them all the time. You have to lie about […]

There is another way!

This week in the Daily Telegraph, Angela Levin has a series of three articles investigating ‘why the UK is in the grip of an infidelity epidemic’. They are headed ‘Desperately seeking someone’, ‘Being unfaithful keeps me happy’ and ‘Adultery isn’t the end – it’s a wake-up call’. She has interviewed over a hundred people who […]

Cheating

If someone is in a monogamous relationship and is attracted to someone who isn’t their partner, conventionally they have the following options: ignore the feeling and stay monogamous; leave their partner in order to get together with a new partner; or cheat on their partner with the other person. I’ve talked a bit about staying […]

An experience of cheating

One of the many people I’ve interviewed about monogamy and nonmonogamy is Nell (not her real name). Nell has given me permission to share her experiences here. Here is Nell describing her experience of being unfaithful: “I was monogamous for seven months with one boyfriend. When an opportunity for sex arose with a close female […]

Terminology: monogamous, partner, infidelity

Monogamous I am using the word ‘monogamous’ in this blog to mean ‘having sex with only one person over a period of time’. A person who is monogamous is someone who, over the course of, say, a year, has sex with only one person. I will usually mean ‘sexually monogamous’, that is, if someone has […]

A new blog

Welcome to the new Open Fidelity blog. I am writing it as a response to the common assumption that you either have to be completely monogamous, or celibate, or cheat on your partner. Monogamy is difficult, and cheating is dishonest; so is there an alternative that doesn’t involve celibacy? In mainstream British society nearly 21st […]