Promises

One of the key principles of Open Fidelity is to do with promises, and I want to look at this in more detail here. There are three main aspects: keeping the promises you make avoiding making promises that you don’t think you will be able to keep renegotiating your promises rather than breaking them All […]

Russell’s story: part 1

Russell is 38-year-old entertainer who finds it difficult to be monogamous and is now in an open relationship. This is the first part of his story, before he met his current partner, in his own words. At the age of 20 I met my future partner of 9½ years. Sylvia was an arty type and […]

A summary of Open Fidelity

OK, I’ve talked about the problems with both monogamy and cheating. Is there another way? Yes – it’s called Open Fidelity. I think it’s time for an overview of what I mean by Open Fidelity. The following statements sum it up. People can love more than one person at a time. There are people in […]

There is another way!

This week in the Daily Telegraph, Angela Levin has a series of three articles investigating ‘why the UK is in the grip of an infidelity epidemic’. They are headed ‘Desperately seeking someone’, ‘Being unfaithful keeps me happy’ and ‘Adultery isn’t the end – it’s a wake-up call’. She has interviewed over a hundred people who […]

Cheating

If someone is in a monogamous relationship and is attracted to someone who isn’t their partner, conventionally they have the following options: ignore the feeling and stay monogamous; leave their partner in order to get together with a new partner; or cheat on their partner with the other person. I’ve talked a bit about staying […]

Why I will never promise to be monogamous

Staying monogamous takes a lot of effort. And even when both partners in a couple are keeping to the rules, suspicions can arise and have a corrosive effect on the relationship. But even apart from these issues, I have another, more basic problem with monogamy. If I promised to love only one person until death, […]

An experience of cheating

One of the many people I’ve interviewed about monogamy and nonmonogamy is Nell (not her real name). Nell has given me permission to share her experiences here. Here is Nell describing her experience of being unfaithful: “I was monogamous for seven months with one boyfriend. When an opportunity for sex arose with a close female […]

Monogamy is difficult

To continue with an introduction to the main ideas behind Open Fidelity: Many people try their utmost to be monogamous. They try to avoid getting tempted into having sex with anyone other than their spouse (or their partner, in other words the person they have committed to). But more fail than succeed. Yes, there are […]

A new blog

Welcome to the new Open Fidelity blog. I am writing it as a response to the common assumption that you either have to be completely monogamous, or celibate, or cheat on your partner. Monogamy is difficult, and cheating is dishonest; so is there an alternative that doesn’t involve celibacy? In mainstream British society nearly 21st […]